If you’re easily offended or put off by the thought of death, this article probably isn’t for you. If you’re looking to venture out into slow burning gambles that have nothing to do with sports, then this article might be for you.
And if you’re a sick bastard that wants to root for the death of someone you have no relation to just because you bet on them to die before their opponent, then this article is definitely for you. Below I’ll go over the Celebrity Death Matchups that I believe present the most value:
Updated Celebrity Death Matchups Odds – March 19th
Who Will Die First?
- Bill Cosby, +100
- Jerry Lee Lewis, +150
- Woody Allen, +250
- Roman Polanski, +250
- Jerry Sandusky, +600
- Harvey Weinstein, +800
- Subway Jared, +1000
To be honest, if you’re going to root for anyone to die (not saying you should), this probably isn’t the worst place to start. From diddling kids to drugging and raping women, the collective transgressions from these men (if you can even call them that) are abhorrent to say the least. However, the wager has to do with who will die first, and unfortunately that has no correlation to how bad each of their crimes were.Celebrity Death Matchups Pick: Harvey Weinstein, +800
Let me explain: Weinstein may be the second youngest person on this list, however, celebrities rarely die of old age as their money eventually keeps them alive long enough to die some other way.
So, what makes Weinstein more at-risk of dying compared to his opponents? The fact that he is a fat POS. Coming in at a nice and plump 246 pounds at 6 feet tall, Weinstein is good for a 33 on the BMI Chart, which is classified as obese. The two leading causes of death each year are heart disease and cancer by far. The leading risk factors for these types of deaths? You guessed it: obesity.
None of the other contestants are even close to as heavy as Weinstein, and as long as Subway Jared doesn’t revert to his old form, I believe Weinstein is the safest bet. And when you get odds at +800, you’ve got to hop on them like Weinstein hops on young women trying to make it in Hollywood.
Who Will Die First, Demi Lovato or Artie Lange?
Yea, you read that right. 26-year-old, rising star Demi Lovato is favored to die before 51-year-old Artie Lange who is on the downslope of his career. I’m assuming these two are matched up because of their problems with drugs, but still, I just don’t get this line at all.
Lovato has recently discussed what would be her 7th year of sobriety if it had not been for her near fatal overdose last year. She explains how she needed this overdose to happen in order to truly learn from her mistake. Since then, she has been in rehab working to beat her addiction.
Overcoming a nasty addiction is never easy, however, having a support system will make the journey a bit more bearable. Lovato is universally loved and has a multitude of career endeavors she’s involved in.
Everyone is on Demi’s side and rooting for her to overcome, something that can truly give someone hope in a time of complete darkness.
Lange, on the other hand, was arrested last month for possession of a controlled substance. His nose is unrecognizable from all the cocaine he’s used and it doesn’t seem like that’s going to deter him anytime soon. He was also diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago, which isn’t going to help his case.
If there’s on matchup I’m confident in (Sorry Artie), it’s this one.
Celebrity Death Matchups Pick: Artie Lange, -130